


Cotton Candy and French Fries

by theblackempress



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Child Care, Comedy, F/F, albeit shitty childcare, cotton candy (ship), jane and roxy make the world's worst mothers, mention of sexual situations, rape mention, roxy has pink hair okay, stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackempress/pseuds/theblackempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane and Roxy raise a dumpster baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jane laid her head on a throw pillow, using a free hand to flip through channels on her television. It was eleven at night and Roxy hadn't come home yet. She was out drinking or something... And not answering her cell phone.

As if on cue, Jane's cell phone began ringing. It was an annoying little recording of her lovely girlfriend yelling for Jane to pick up the phone. She rolled over and picked up the phone. Roxy's drunken voice slurred on the other end.

 _"Jane, I'm at Harley's. I'm_  SUPER  _drunk and about to *hic* get raped. Pick me up, please. Thaaaanks!"_ Roxy laughed, then the phone cut out.

The girl rolled off the couch and left the apartment, driving over to the bar. She parked the car and exited, checking inside the bar. The tender had told her Roxy had stumbled out not two minutes ago, and so Jane went back outside to look for her girlfriend.

"Roxyyyy! C'mere, girl!" Jane whistled, clapping her hands like one would when trying to find a lost dog. "Roxy?"

"Ugh..." A voice echoed. Jane turned her head and saw a pair of nicely-shaven legs sticking out of a dumpster. She dashed over.

Pulling the drunken woman out of the trash, Jane said, "Come on, why were you in the trash?"

"There'sa little potato inside here..." Roxy smirked, looking back in the dumpster. She put on a sing-songy voice. "Come to Mama Rox, little potato! Heh heh!"

Jane pulled Roxy back. "There's no potato in-" Her cyan eyes flickered to the inside of the dumpster. A newborn baby was nestled in a cardboard box, whimpering. "Holy shit."

Roxy picked up the baby, a fat little girl, and laughed. "See? See the potato? *hic* Issa cutie!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BABIES LOOK LIKE POTATOES to ME
> 
> Chapter written by the-black-empress.


	2. Chapter 2

Jane gripped the steering wheel tightly on the drive home, her grimace plastered on her face and the occasional sigh punctuating the cacophony of noise that was a certain drunk girl and a not-drunk baby.

"Hey Jaaaaneeeyyyyy?" Roxy slurred, leaning into her girlfriend (which was a somewhat impressive task, seeing as she was buckled into her seatbelt). "Can we keep 'er? I like 'er lotsa!"

The supreme exhale. "Roxy, we don't know what gender it i--" 

"Nah, nah." Roxy giggled. "She a girly. She gots the part."

Jane almost faceplanted into the steering wheel. "You CHECKED? This is someone else's baby, Rox!"

Roxy just snorted, drifting back into her muddle of drunk incomprehension and cradling the baby in her arms, humming a new sort of lullaby that grew steadily quieter and quieter.

Jane glanced at Roxy after a while and let out a small, sad smile at her sleeping form. She drifted into thought for the rest of the ride home and sat in the car for a long time after parking before waking her girlfriend up and escorting her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zur here. I apologise for my ooc cotton candy pals and how LONG it took to update this.
> 
> zur shut up its perf. your jane is like amaze i love it ~T)(-E -EMPR-ESS
> 
> Chapter written by zuryial.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God I need to upd8 this sorry sorry. --empy

Jane laid on the couch, watching Roxy play with the little girl with tired eyes. She wanted to report this to the police but feared that the child would simply be taken to an orphanage to go to waste or something, and in the process break Roxy's heart. Besides, the baby sort of looked like Roxy. They shared the same fair hair and pale, Irish skin, and freckles on top of it, unlike Jane's dark, chocolate skin and near-to-ebony hair that everyone says is black but is in fact brown.

"Rox," she said. "Do you really want her?" There was a tone of caution in her voice.

Now sobered up, Roxy looked up at her girlfriend and nodded. "Yeah, of course! I've already named her and she loves me!" She gave the girl a boop on the nose.

"And what would that name be?"

"Roxy Junior."

Jane rolled her eyes. "I'm perfectly fine with keeping the kid but we gotta name her something that's not your name."

"Roxanne?"

"What did I literally  _just_ say?"

Roxy looked down at the child, staring into her beautiful, round eyes. She couldn't tell the colour in the dark but still loved her all the same. "How about Alyx?"

Jane moved to sit down with Roxy on the ground, stroking the child with her thick hand. "Yeah, Alyx. That's cute." She smiled and hugged Roxy, giving her a smooch on the cheek. "How'd you like that, darlin'?" The baby squealed in delight.

"Seems like the answer is a yes!" Roxy laughed. She returned Jane's kiss, holding Alyx to her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just realized that zur tagged dirk and jake in the fic like they're not even here yet why'd you tag them also sorry this chapter sucks. hey maybe they should show alyx to dirk and jakebutt so that the tag actually means something. thanke. --empy
> 
> Chapter written by the-black-empress.


End file.
